Sorted
by metaphoricheart
Summary: "I know, you had it sorted." Set after Edmund breaks the ice containing the Witch in Prince Caspian, and his reaction to it. No slash, or incest. Mild cursing. One shot. Complete.


8/1/11

"_I know. You had it sorted." _

Edmunds words reverberated around the now silent How. Peter stared hollow and guilty into Edmund's eyes. They were burning with betrayal, anger, and a hint of fear. Peter couldn't figure out what the fear was supposed to mean. There was nothing to be afraid of; Edmund had just destroyed any reason to be only a few moments before.

Edmund broke off his gaze, and stalked out, Lucy following him. She was the best at knowing when something was upsetting her siblings, and this had definitely upset her older brother.

"Ed!" She called out to him, but he continued walking to the entrance of the How. She ran after him, grabbing his hand. He shook it off, and glared at her. She took the hint that he wanted to be left alone, and walked back inside.

He sat down in the grass, and put his head against the stone walls of the How. He closed his eyes only to find images of the previous moments flashing before them, so he jerked them back open. Running his fingers through his sweaty mop of hair, he tried to figure out how he felt about what had just happened.

First off, he had never expected to see her face again in such glaring color. Her face had haunted him for the last year and a half, every time he closed his eyes. He had terrible nightmares where he'd thrash, and scream half the night. He never felt rested after them. It got to the point where he'd stay up for days just to avoid them; he'd then crash and the nightmares would come back worse than ever. He sighed in frustration, now that he'd seen her face in full form again they were sure to be worse. He'd never get a good night's rest, and at this rate he was sure there wasn't a word in the dictionary to describe how exhausted he felt.

And then of course he was angry. While it had been Caspian who had released the dark magic, Peter had sparked the reason too. If he hadn't been such an…there was no other word for it… _ass, _none of this would have ever happened. He understood the power the White Witch could hold over someone better than anyone, but if he wasn't so self absorbed and power hungry, a lot of things would be different. After all that Edmund had done for Peter, this is what he got. He got Peter snapping at everyone, and getting into fights all the time. He was always left cleaning up Peter's messes.

But out of all that, the thing he felt the most was fear and betrayal. He'd made so much progress, only to feel like that was all going to be erased by the presence of the White Witch before him again. It brought memories, and feelings back to him that he had worked so hard at accepting and working through. He was afraid he was going to have to start all over. Edmund had come back from Narnia extremely depressed. Guilt ate him alive, day in and day out. Memories of the things he'd seen would pop into his head when doing math homework. Most of all, he _hated _himself. He couldn't find one good thing about himself, even after time, and time again people were commenting on his improved personality. Anyone who has been depressed knows that voice that is horrifyingly your's that constantly berates you, and sucks the energy out of you. That day they were going home for the summer holidays was the first time Edmund had felt _okay. _He'd fought tooth and nail to haul himself out of the pit he'd gotten in, and he was finally feeling like he was getting somewhere. But this, this could be a setback, he didn't think he had the strength to fight it.

It had been hard on all of them coming back to Narnia, but everyone knew it was hardest on Edmund. Susan and Lucy did their best to comfort him every once in a while, but it was difficult since they didn't go to the same school. As much as it pained him to admit it, he had _needed _his big brother, and Peter hadn't been there for him. Edmund had needed Peter to wake him up from the nightmares, had needed Peter to ruffle his hair, had needed someone to talk to. But Peter was too busy making his own messes, and not bothering to see how his little brother was doing. Edmund felt betrayed and abandoned.

Edmund put his head in his hands. He couldn't do this again, especially _alone_. He'd done it alone long enough. This was the breaking point.

He felt one solitary tear fall down his face. _No. _He was not going to cry. At least not now, with other people around.

A twig snapped next to him. He quickly brushed away the tear, and looked up. His face hardened when Peter sat down next to him. He shot Peter his best death look before turning his head to stare at the world in front of him.

"Hi."

Really? Hi was going to be what Peter said to him after all that, and then some. He was just going to say _hi_? He didn't answer.

Peter tried again. "Are you okay?"

"I'm bloody fantastic, Pete," Edmund shot scathingly, still not looking at Peter.

Peter opened his mouth to say something else, but Edmund suddenly turned around, knives shooting from his eyes. "Why do you care anyway?"

Peter sighed. "I, I'm sorry Ed…for everything…really…"

Edmund scoffed. "Oh you're _sorry? _It's a bit late for that one to work." Edmund took a deep breath, all of his anger and hurt was threatening to erupt like a volcano. He swallowed hard, and starting pacing back and forth in front of Peter.

"Look I know I was a git but-"

Edmund cut Peter off. "Oh, yeah, you were a git alright."

And then the volcano erupted without warning. "All of this is your fault! None of this would have happened if you weren't so damn power hungry, and self absorbed!"

"Ed-"

But Edmund wasn't having any of it. "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED SOMEONE? WHERE WERE YOU ON THE DAYS I FELT LIKE JUMPING OUT OF THE WINDOW OF THE CHURCH ACROSS THE STREET FROM SCHOOL? OH I KNOW, OUT FIGHTING SOME IMMATURE BLOKES, SINKING DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL. AND THERE I WAS, PULLING YOU OUT OF COUNTLESS MESSES. BUT WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED SOMEONE TO PULL ME UP? NOWHERE TO BE FOUND!"

His shouts echoed all around them. Everyone in the How and the soldiers around it could hear him. Edmund was shaking with rage while Peter sat in a stunned silence. A few moments passed, and Peter yet again tried to say something but Edmund cut him off.

"I'M NOT FINISHED YET!" Edmund's voice turned into a hurt whispered, and he stomped right up to Peter, and looked him in the eye. "How could you do this to me? How could you let it get this bad? Do you even care about what seeing her face again means to me? But no, you probably don't care that after fighting all year to haul myself up, and start over, you've made it so it was all for nothing." Tears streamed down Edmund's face, washing over his freckles.

Peter was shocked. He had let his own problems absorb him, making it so he was oblivious to how much Edmund was struggling. He had been an awful king, but even worse an awful brother. He didn't know what to do. He watched Edmund fighting to compose himself, obviously embarrassed at his rather public breakdown.

Before Peter realized it he was walking over to Edmund, and was enveloping him in a hug. Edmund hated being hugged, and it was highly unlikely that Edmund was going to accept his hug anyway. But Peter couldn't stop himself.

Edmund froze as Peter pulled him close. He wanted to push Peter away, and storm off, but this was what he'd been craving all year. He'd wanted his brother to hold him, and now he was. He felt some of the anger drain out of him. Edmund turned around and buried his head into Peter's shoulder.

It was Peter's turn to freeze, he hadn't expected Edmund to react this way. Edmund hadn't cried into his shoulder since he was six. Edmund was always very stoic, and strong. He rolled with the punches, and didn't show when it hurt. Sometimes that came around to nip his ankles, but Peter had always been there. This time he hadn't been.

When Edmund felt Peter freeze, he looked up into his face confused but Peter began stroking his hair, and Edmund went back to drenching Peter's tunic. When Edmund had stopped shaking, Peter put his hands on his brother's small shoulders.

Edmund looked up at him with red eyes that were outlined by deep, dark circles that Peter was only just beginning to notice. "I think we need to go and have a serious conversation."

Edmund nodded, and followed his brother to the other side of the How where no one could over hear them. Edmund collapsed onto a large boulder, and closed his eyes. To his great surprise the White Witch didn't flash across them, and so he kept them closed. It felt nice. Peter stared at Edmund, he was starting notice all the changes in his baby brother's face that he had been to self absorbed to notice before. His cheek bones were higher, his baby face gone. There were more freckles, but what bothered Peter the most were the dark circles. They looked practically etched onto his face.

"When was the last time you slept, Ed?"

"I dunno. Two...maybe three days…what day is it?"

"It's Wednesday…why haven't you slept in so long?"

Edmund sighed. "I don't really feel like talking about it."

They sat in silence for a few more minutes. Peter decided it was now or never, and now that Edmund had stopped shouting (which he didn't blame him for) he might be able to actually apologize.

"Ed..I've been nothing short of an ass. I let jealousy, and greed for glory over rule me. The decisions I've made have cost me a lot of things. People have died, I allowed for the White Witch to almost come back, and I abandoned you, even though you never abandoned me. I don't know how to make it up to you, and I don't know if I ever will be able to. I hope you'll forgive me someday. I'm also really sorry about what you had to see back there, I know this must be hard for you."

Edmund opened his eyes. "Apology accepted."

Peter's mouth fell open. "Oh come on, Peter. I'd be a hypocrite if I stayed mad at you. I haven't exactly been innocent either have I? Either wise the Witch's near return wouldn't be an issue. But you still owe me; big time."

Peter nodded. "You said something about having to start over after all you'd been through after seeing her face. Look, I don't know what you've been going through for the last year, but I can tell it has been hell. But you've been strong enough to get yourself out of the worst of it, you've already beat the demons. You don't have to let them beat you again, and if they do, you can destroy them. There's no recovery without a setback."

Edmund nodded, but didn't look like he believed Peter.

"And you'll have me this time."

Edmund started to smile, but a yawn over took him.

"I know you said you didn't want to talk about it, but explain something to me, why haven't you slept for three days when you can barely keep your eyes open?"

"Nightmares," Edmund replied, his voice tight. Peter decided not to press the issue; Edmund would talk when he was ready.

"You really should try sleeping. I can't have you passing out, Susan will do me in." Edmund nodded weakly, already starting to drift off.

Peter laughed, picked him, and put him on his bed inside For the first time in over a year, Edmund slept soundly…for three days straight. None of them had the heart to wake him up.


End file.
